Candice Carpenter, iVillage (2001)
We often fail.
If I'm keeping the house together and the laundry completely caught up, our schoolwork seems to lag. If our schooling is going extremely well, our bathrooms are, um, lacking.
If M is completely on top of every bit of minutiae at the office, it usually means that we haven't seen much of him at home. And if our home life seems to be running on full nutrition, M is usually fretting about the work load at the office.
Faith, groceries, soccer, work, Bible study, cleaning, laundry, lawn mowing, youth group, dance, therapy, family time, game night, recreation, socialization, business. The list seems to continue to grow and expand.
And I keep searching for balance.
Balance.
That elusive fulcrum between the duties and responsibilities of life in tandem with the relationships and experiences that make our lives worth living. That attempt to keep all the little boxes of life stuff in perfect sequence and harmony, creating an equilibrium between the obligations and amusements in life.
M and I have never been too good at balance. We often teeter out on the high wire, knees shaking, arms akimbo as we not only try to navigate the balance beam but juggle at the same time. And yet our pursuit of 'balance', whatever that mystical land may be, still remains a vision for us. Somehow, somewhere, we will figure out how to cover all the bases and still have time for recreational pursuits. Someday, someway, we will determine how to make all the pieces fit.
But thinking on the above quote from Candice Carpenter, is that ideal of 'balance' just a 21st century dream, just the by-product of post-industrial, post-agrarian life? Did our ancestors even ponder on such things, or was it just simply a matter of folding all the bits of life, the work, the chores, the kids, the books, the learning, the cooking, the very stuffing that makes it all full, was it just a matter of living it all out simultaneously? And is that perhaps why we as a culture are now striving to find balance again? Have we allowed our lives to become too compartmentalized, where work is a separate place and experience from our children's schools which is a different place and experience from the home front, etc.? Is it even reasonable to try to meld all those entities together?
I clearly have no answers. I'm just trying to get my laundry caught up while occasionally exercising my brain. But I would love to hear your thoughts on the balanced life, where you struggle, where you succeed, what you've learned along the way. Write a post on this topic and put the url of that post and your name in the Mister Linky's box below and leave your gems of wisdom in the comment line. I want to know how you manage the trapeze!
Mangage? Hah! I don't. Something's always gotta give, but that is the whole thing with balance. Realizing you can't do it all and deciding what it is that has to give at the moment so you don't go completely insane. Having enough insight to see that you bicycle is off balance on that high wire and having the where with all to pull it back up in the other direction instead of plummeting to the floor of the three ring circle you call your life praying that there IS some sort of safety net down there if you miss your mark. Fortunately for you, there is in the form of your family and God.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Keep on balancing. It is an on going process.
Annemarie
balance- it's what we're all striving for. (that, and clean socks for everyone!)i don't know if that's really possible, but i think that motherhood, and the managing of our homes IS alot like juggling. sometimes we do it really well, and others... not so much. i feel like i'm always juggling. sometimes i drop some of the balls... laundry, cleaning, time with the little ones. and then at other times it's different balls i drop- gardening, quilting, time with freinds. i guess it's more about not feeling guilty about which balls are rolling around our feet at any given moment, but just making sure that we pick up those balls every once in a while. we live a simple agrarian life, so some of the things that you have on your list are not even on my radar. but then many things i do each day are not in yours either- pig butchering, massive garden, feeding the wood stove. so simple agrarian life just has different things, not necessarily less.
ReplyDeletei think that we all balance different things well at different times. as long as we keep on trying and encouraging one another, and not being judgemental, then that is what is important.
thanks for stretching my brain today, and making me think so early in the morning! now, off to take those pigs to the butcher!
Are you stealing my thunder Julie!
ReplyDeleteSo you want to know about BALANCE.
Well the easiest way to lose your balance is to cling to fixed beliefs or notions of how things should be.
The only constant in this world is change, so the more things you cling to, the more you will be thrown off balance when they disappear.
It is like trying to ride a bike while balancing an enormous weight on your shoulders.
It is much easier to maintain your balance if you lighten your load.
So if you want to exercise your brain, do it after you have done your laundry....not at the same time!
Big hugs
Peggy
We're all thinking about bicycles, so I'll throw in my 2 cents worth. When you bicycle, you keep your balance better by moving forward at a quick, steady pace. You don't keep stopping to reassess or rebalance yourself on the seat or whatever.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, just keep pedaling.
When I was in college, I had some older women in some of my classes and they used to discuss how hard it was to balance school, work, family, marriage, a house, etc.
ReplyDeleteAnd I used to roll my eyes and groan and think "WTH? Get over yourselves. How hard can it be?" and then rush off to Ladies Night and $0.10 drafts.
Can you imagine? I wish I could say I was suffering from some sort of hideous mental defect other than youth and stupidity, but I can't.
Luckily I outgrew my niavate and my penchant for cheap liquor. And I find that I have become one of those women, constantly in search of balance and constantly coming up short.
If you figure out how to find that balance, PLEASE do share it with us.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post and the comments that followed. I am always impressed by what you do manage to accomplish! I think the big difference these days is that times were just very different in the past and people could balance things better because there weren't so many things to balance. Ballgames took place in backyards while parents were doing the laundry or preparing supper back at the house. Drive children to practice? Ha! Kids "practiced" whenever and wherever their friends gathered.
ReplyDeleteBalancing care of the home, care of the family, care of yourself, and work is a challenging proposition with the lifestyles we now live. I struggle so much with this because I tend to put in too much time at work, which leaves me fatigued, both mentally and physically, by the time my car rolls into the driveway each day.
I like what Peggy said about lightening our loads. That's something I need to do!
Hugs,
Roban
This is a topic I ponder often. I do wonder as well if our ancestors had the same issues...
ReplyDeleteYou got me thinking about balance in practicum. When in highschool I was a cheerleader who often was on top of large pyramids. To maintain balance I had to have a solid base (person/s), keep my legs locked and tush tight, all while being able to move my upper body and breathe/yell. Hmmm...solid foundation, some parts don't get much variety and others need flexiblilty...I can apply that to life.
ReplyDeleteLet's be a little kinder to ourselves! Had so much to say I wrote a post!
ReplyDeleteThanks again for giving us such good food for thought!
Balance. Hmmm. That's a tough one because it's not a point where you get to, like climbing to the top of a mountain and stopping and looking around and saying "we are there!" It's a constant constant climb. That never ends.
ReplyDeleteBalance with laundry seems to be doing it every day. About 3 loads. AND putting it away. What a pain.
I guess, because a family is constantly undoing, and using up resources, and draining energy, that the balance is constanly redoing, refolding, recooking, remaking, rediscussing, reteaching, redriving, redropping off, re-everything ... and that can be exhausting.
We have the BEST balance when our kids contribute to the "re" part. When it's just me and my husband trying to keep everything in order we are not able to effectively balance out everything else going on. But when our kids are better able to manage their own schedules, be responsible for their own goals, and help to clean up what has been undone then we seem to have better balance.
Balance is sooooooo important!
Firstly, I don't have any answers! But we love to visit the circus (human-skills only - NO animals!) and I remember watching the high-wire artistes and being amazed by the thin-ness of their shoes and the sensitivity and grip it gives them on the wire.
ReplyDeleteI've tried to remember that it's the awareness of our situation, both the sensitivity and the hold we have, that stops things (sometimes!) becoming unbalanced!
Such a great post!!! I have had the same thing happen to me!!! If schooling is going well, the house is trashed! If the house is semi-clean, the schooling is lacking!!! It IS so hard...I read somewhere about like the Ingalls family...they always seem to have time for everything they HAD to get done and time to just take it easy when they were snowed in or it was a holiday...how come we today, who have dishwashers, refrigerators, washing machines, etc...don't even seem to find the time to load those very TIME SAVING machines??? I am getting frustrated and even more unbalanced just typing this! HAHAHA! :-) Again, thanks for sharing your insights, it is great to be reminded to step back and evaluate some of this stuff!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I'd need super powers to remain perfectly balanced. And I have some of those with God, but I wonder too how much He even wants us to be so balanced. Maybe our imbalance keeps us realizing how much we need Him?
ReplyDeleteI've also thought a lot about how accepting imbalance is a big part of true contentment. But MAN that is HARD for me...
Ah balance! So elusive yet so necessary. Loved the thoughts and the Sunday post.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right on with this. I really struggle to balance everything and lately feel as though I am failing more than ever.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, balance is always a struggle. If I ever figure it out I'll let you know, k? K. ;) Until then, I just keep on keeping on. Teetering back and forth. Still managing to get all (or at least most) things done...just not all at once. It all evens out eventually I guess. For now.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great topic. :) There is so much to consider, and each family is different. Thanks for prompting the discussion!
ReplyDeleteI have been pondering this lately as well. Before I had the twins, I could keep on top of everything. Now, maybe i am just burnt out, and in need of a vacation, but I am always falling behind.
ReplyDeleteI do wonder how my parents and my grandparents did it. Esp my grandmother who washed clothes with a washboard and still managed to keep up with laundry. Here I sit with the biggest front loaders on the market and I have 5 loads staring at me! I did ask my mother this one day. She said she stayed at home a lot more than I do. She also was up at 5am everyday and did not go to bed until after 10pm every night. I *cherish* my sleep WAY too much to ever do that.
I also think parents and children are so busy with MORE activities than in those days when I was growing up. I was in Girl Scouts and the rest of the time I was outside playing until it was dark. We did not have hours of homework a night either. Nor the technology we have. Which that in itself brings guilt... when we see others who do SO much more and are so much more talented that we are.
So in my large family life, we have decided that 2009 is our year to Get Back to Basics. We have simplified the # of "stuff" we have.. the # of shoes, clothes, dishes, toys,... everything. Do boys REALLY need 100 matchbox cars?
And I think this is helping us find our balance. Less cleaning time = more time for family and fun.
And I have also learned to lessen my expectations of my childrens cleaning ability. They will NOT clean the bathroom like I do. But I am going with it because practice makes perfect.
Thanks for such a wonderful topic!