I really would.
But I've had a little household chore going for which I must purposely turn off my brain and simply execute the necessary steps to complete the chore.
I speak, of course, of the fine art of scooping.
As in, toddler poop scooping.
Bath time can be going so well. Bubbles bubbling, toys floating, two cute toddlers splashing and washing off the food stains of the day.
And then it happens.
One of the twins will emit a high sonic frequency shriek. I wouldn't call it an early warning system in that the shriek is not emitted until the crime has already been committed, but a warning system nonetheless.
I love that word, nonetheless. It's even fun to type.
But I digress.
Once the shriek happens, it is my duty to begin to push aside mounds of frothy baby bath bubbles and begin a hard target search for something I really hope not to find.
But there it is.
Bobbing amongst the bath toys.
A bio-product that would be better delivered within the confines of a diaper, but is now part of the bath tub landscape. And then all heck breaks loose.
Because whichever twin has produced this lovely item does not want to be pulled out of the tub and scrubbed down in the shower. And whichever twin did not produce the lovely product can't be pulled out of the tub fast enough to be scrubbed down.
And that's how you can always tell who committed the deed.
And then there's always the practical question of how to extricate the inappropriate tub item in a sanitary manner without, um, smearing things outside the containment field, so to speak. I'm honing in on the best method. I find that a baby or antibacterial wipe seems to be the tool of choice for removing the offending item.
Don't try the removal phase with toilet paper. It seems intuitive enough, but once the toilet paper hits the moist surface of the bath tub, you will have created a most disturbing papier mache.
And then there's the question of the bath toys. Do we throw them out? Boil them in bleach for two hours? Burn them? It's a quandary.
So I would have treated you to a pithy, witty post today, but I was scooping. With two babies in the tub, it's a fairly frequent event.
And when you're in the fox hole, you've just got to deal.
And not think too much. Especially that.
oh no -- poop in the tub is a fairly frequent event? WOW -- shall I dare to type it has only happened once when LL was a wee baby.
ReplyDeletep.s. I enjoyed this post, mostly due to the fact poop is one of my favorite topics of conversation recently :)
While I have to confess that I have never yet had to confront tub poop with any of my children or grandchildren (now I'm doomed to experience it, I'm sure) I do applaud your stoic search and rescue reaction. Soon it will be but a memory....
ReplyDeleteWith a brood only have your size but with the commonality of toddler twins, I can only say, well done my dear! I am not sure if I am laughing (with you of course) or having a pity party on your behalf ;)
ReplyDeleteThe kids are too old for this NOW, but it happened to us many times in their younger days! No twins here, but the two youngest are 2 years apart. There's nothing so sweet to the ears as, "MOM! He pooped in the tub!" And, I can totally identify with the problem of getting the mess out of there. Not my favorite thing in the world...
ReplyDeleteso far we have only had one incident of poop in the tub, but i imagine there are many more to come. it happened under my husband's watch + he used a cup to scoop it out + then dumped it in the toilet.
ReplyDeleteMy mom would kill me if she knew I was publicly announcing this, but she used to use one of the fish nets...you know the little ones for gold fish tanks?
ReplyDeleteI have twin brothers, and I vividly remember the post-poop in the bathtub experience...
**knocking on wood** we have not had that issue with the boys, yet! I know, just as sure as I say that it will happen tonight!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. Normally your twin posts make me miss the time when mine were that age, but this brought me back to reality with a bump ;) Now that they're 12, this rarely happens! ;) (Ok never, just in case they read this and are mortally embarrassed)
ReplyDeleteThis is too funny... There were 5 of us and I, as the youngest, could be found anywhere if you just followed the droppings of poo... or so I was told ;)
ReplyDeleteI very much appreciate the lack of pictures in this post as it seems that some bloggers (*cough* prolapse *cough*) take pictures of everything they see.
ReplyDeleteJonathan was sitting on my lap last night all wrapped up in a towel. I hadn't got his diaper on yet. I was on the phone with my brother (a humor blogger) when Jonathan announced "I pooped!" Mommy freaked out, thinking her son had pooped in the towel. I jumped up and shook the towel and searched for the poop. No poop. that lead me to suspect there had been only gas. I asked Jonathan if he was sure he had pooped. He was. "I pooped!" but later he decided "no poop!" All this chaos was going on when it hit me that my brother was laughing hysterically on the other end of the phone. Then I had this sinking feeling: He's going to blog about this, isn't he? And he will, I'm sure. He's on a media "fast" via Chip Ingram until tomorrow. I'm contemplating blogging the story first to steal his thunder. :-)
ReplyDeleteI love how eloquently you tackled this subject. I certainly understand the papier mache, and I understand the quandary of what to do with the tub toys.
ReplyDeleteMay The Force be with you!
this is my first time to read your blog. came over when recommended by The Reality of Happy Ever After. If that wasn't a pithy and witty post according to your standards...I'm definately sticking around for more! That was awesome! I love the play on how the one who did it doesn't want to be removed from the tub but the one who didn't do it, can't get out fast enough. that's SO hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI don't have twins, but a 2yo and a 10mo. So we have this experience about every other week. :-(
ReplyDeleteI love your commentary, because in this scenario, so many quandries face you all at the same time!! The toilet paper quandry, what to do w the toys, how to clean the kids!
Your post just says it SOO well! But I do think you have to experience this first, to really relate! I'm still laughing!
I can't help but to laugh with you (you are laughing, right?). This cracked me up! I have to say that I've been pretty lucky, not to have to deal with this situation! Thank you, God!
ReplyDeleteI'm of the "scoop it out with a disposable plastic food container" school, myself. The tub toys get rinsed (a lot) and then put in the dishwasher.
ReplyDeleteWhich sounds gross, now that I think about it...
Been there. Done that. And my son, who is 4, still has to be told NOT to pee in the tub as soon as the water starts filling up!
ReplyDeleteEwwwww! You are an amazing mom. Have I mentioned that lately? :)
ReplyDeleteFortunately, I have never dealt with poo in the tub, however we do have a toddler that like to disrobe when his diaper is full.
ReplyDeleteIf I am right close by that's one thing, but when I'm in another room and then find him sitting in the nude on the sofa after removing a stinky diaper is when I lose it.
Have a great day!
That was a very eloquent post!
ReplyDeleteAgain, like the others I've always tended to use a plastic tub and flush the offending article.
I have then soaked the bath toys in the sterilising fluid/tablets you use for baby bottles. Which soothes my conscience about giving them back to the kids to play with!
Your blog always makes me smile. I need to drop by more often. I love the pictures of your parents. I still say you need to publish a book and be a professional photographer. --I finally got some more pictures up of our grandbaby---drop on by!! :)
ReplyDeleteGack, I'll be back tomorrow for a pithy witty post. You're too funny!
ReplyDeleteThe scoop from the cat's litter box works to remove floating biomatter from the tub. My 32 1/2 yr old likes to remove his poopy diaper then sit on an aupolstered piece of furniture. I rent a rug docto at least once a season to clean the furniture and the vehicles and spot clean in between the mass cleanings. :)
ReplyDeleteHubby and I found that the best method for this was to use two paper-towels, and scooch it under the offending bit, then lifting it under the water in one fluid motion. Everything stays well on the paper towel and it is disposable. As for the toys, I settle for a ntural lemon and tea-tree oil based disinfectant with boiling water. Plus, it is always a good excuse to throw out the toys and get new ones if they are due to be replaced. ;)
ReplyDeleteReason #457 that I'm so glad I'm done with those days.
ReplyDeleteBut then you'll post the most incredible shots of your children which constitute reasons #1-325 why I'm so sad I'm done with those days.
You had me laughing on that one! I remember so well when my kids were small. You have such a way with words! You made something uck into something way too funny to choke back the laughter! (shhhhh my family is still sleeping!) :-)
ReplyDeleteBetter than in the neighborhood swimming pool like what happened here one year...on the last day of school during a big afterschool party.
ReplyDelete**CODE BROWN**
Closed down the pool--classic! =)
(Er...not sure if this is a consolatory story for you or if it'll just make you avoid the swimming pools. Sorry.)
Yep, been there, done the scoop!
ReplyDelete