Sunday, February 1, 2009

Sunday Selah

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
Philippians 1:9-11

Tasks.


To-do lists.



Appointments.



Extra curricular opportunities.



Practices, chores, meetings, deadlines, assignments, duties, good deeds, service projects, events.



Good things, necessary items.



But all the parts and pieces of a little destination called Overwhelm.



Perhaps one of the most stressful times in M's and my early marriage was when we were deeply involved in planting a new church. Almost every evening was taken up with practices, meetings, studies and fellowship events. Weekends were spent putting up sound and stage equipment and then tearing it all down. We spent intensive time discussing evangelism approaches, personal accountability, interpersonal issues between team members.



It all seemed so holy and noble when we started, the chance to be a part of a new movement. All the events and commitments seemed so necessary, so high, so important.



And because it all did seem so highborn, we were a little shocked to find, after all the striving and busyness and lack of time as a family, we completely and totally burned out.



We were initially gentle chided by our fellow church planters, with strong encouragement to press on. After a time, we were scolded. And ultimately, we knew we would have to start over as we simply would no longer keep up the level of involvement that seemed to be a critical part of this particular church culture.



It was difficult to make the decision. Everything that was involved in church life were things we deeply valued. We certainly wanted to use whatever gifts and talents we had for the Lord. But an insidious thing happened on our journey of overwhelming involvement.



We missed the point of all that activity.



We were so involved each evening, we were never home, which meant we knew very few of our neighbors. We were so involved every weekend, most of our social time was taken up with people in the church, not with the co-workers in M's office who so desperately needed gentle contact with believers. And we were so entrenched in developing and honing all the church relationships, we were allowing the relationship of our marriage to go untended and undernourished.



And when all is said and done, there comes a time, whatever the level of over-involvement is, that inspecting the fruit of that time investment must take place.



And our fruit was looking pretty pitiful.



So we started over. We kept loving the folks we had been such workers with, but we grafted ourselves into a new church family. We learned to keep our marriage and our kids as a priority. We got to know our neighbors. We were able to minister to co-workers.



We stopped the frenetic activity of church planting and started allowing the gospel to flourish and grow and be exhibited in our lives.


Now don't read me wrong; involvement in church life is a wonderful part of the life of a believer, and there are certainly those who are called to begin new ministries. Our Christian friendships sustain us and strengthen us. We love to serve the body and have been so blessed by those who have served us. It's a wonderful, beautiful thing.



But we're learning. We've learned to pray to discern what is best. We've learned to chose. We've learned to focus on the primary ministries the Lord has placed in our lives. We don't have it all down pat and we certainly can be pulled back into arenas that sound awfully virtuous. I sometimes battle my overachieveing guilt bug that whispers droning dereliction of duty deceitfulness in my ear. We're still learning.



Learning.



Discerning.


Listening.



Selah.




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15 comments:

  1. Good morning! Well said. It IS hard to say no when you think you are saying "no" to God's ministry. Then we have to realize that it is certainly not God's will to neglect our family. I have seen too many friends growing up whose parents made it there life's work to be at church every time the doors open to the demise of their household. Additionally, their children all eventually rebelled against the church thinking that this is what belonging to a church family is all about. I am glad you found the balance and a new church family. I love hearing your stories.
    Annemarie

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  2. Happy Sunday!

    Very good post...I understand this first hand being raised a PK and being a PW for a time...I applaud my parents who for the most part made a huge effort for family being first and my mom being at home! They did a wonderful job, of making our home a haven and so... however, I do remember times when, especially as a PW, there was a lot of pressure to be at EVERYTHING! I see now too, that so many opportunities arise in the church that are good and well, but one must evaluate if they are what GOD WANTS!

    Anyhoo, great thoughts! Blessings as you begin your February!

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  3. Very, very wise. I try to keep in mind that most of my choices fall into three categories: good, better and best. Sometimes church is the best. Sometimes it is just better and the family is best.

    Blogging is usually somewhere around good, but i love it anyway!

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  4. Wow--I too "sometimes battle my overachieving guilt bug that whispers droning dereliction of duty deceitfulness in my ear." I can't wait to share this post with my husband. Both he & I were PKs growing up and have strong burdens for church planting in the inner-city. While we were newly married, we were very deeply involved in our church ministry.
    However, now that I have a 2-yr-old and a 8-month-old, my family responsibilities have grown and I am desperately trying to not to become unbalanced in the family v. ministry struggle. Our prayer for this year has been what you said: rather than "frenetic activity" that we would "allow the gospel to flourish and grow and be exhibited in our lives." We believe that (while the church programs & events have their place), living out the gospel (i.e. loving family, neighbors, co-workers, putting God first in every area of our lives however mundane) is truly what will "grow" our churches in a real and lasting way! Thanks for a very necessary, thought-provoking post!

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  5. it is so easy to get caught up in the day to day and miss the message...thanks for your excellent explanation!!!

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  6. wow..you hit a nerve with me today... I sure needed to read this...I do often forget to slow down and remember that I'm not asked to do EVERYTHING, I'm just asked to pray for God to direct me to those things I have a gift for....great message..have a wonderful Sunday!
    liz

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  7. We had some similar issues to deal with also. My husband was asked to be a deacon again (after taking a break from it). Our oldest son confided that our family suffered from all the time away that my husband put into that particular area of service. He serves our church in many capacities, but the deacon job always takes so much time from the family. Needless to say, he had to turn them down again.

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  8. I've never been as involved as you have, but I did spend many, many years teaching Sunday School. There was balance there, and it kept me involved with just the right amount of time. Since then, we've moved to a church with a larger youth group (H was the only girl her age at the other church), and I have found much joy just being a part of the church. Not a leader. Just someone who enjoys the 11:00 service. (I am, however, considering going to a woman's retreat this spring. I've never been on one....)

    enJOY your day,
    Roban

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  9. ... love the February look for your blog!

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  10. thank you, 8mama.

    and i, too, love the pink look!
    ~k

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  11. It is such a learning process--I know I have been there...and I am still learning. And I am frankly getting great at saying NO and feeling more and more confident in hearing the voice of the Spirit guide me...so much rest in that. And definitely beats the voice of guilt that gets me overwhelmed!!!

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  12. It is such a learning process--I know I have been there...and I am still learning. And I am frankly getting great at saying NO and feeling more and more confident in hearing the voice of the Spirit guide me...so much rest in that. And definitely beats the voice of guilt that gets me overwhelmed!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. It is such a learning process--I know I have been there...and I am still learning. And I am frankly getting great at saying NO and feeling more and more confident in hearing the voice of the Spirit guide me...so much rest in that. And definitely beats the voice of guilt that gets me overwhelmed!!!

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  14. fantastic. We've been traveling that same road. The turning point for me was when my children whined, "We're going to the church again?". Wow, what a slap. I wanted them to love it like I did, but dragging them to meetings and activities etc was having an adverse effect. I think it's hard to find the right balance, but it can be done!

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