For those of you feverishly searching for the Green Thumb Genome, you may now put down your pencils and stop. I have completed my field research and am submitting my findings to...um.....whatever scientific journal might benefit from my exhaustive studies. But because you, Dear Readers, stay by my side and encourage my endeavors, I felt it only appropriate to let you have a sneak peek into my report. And my conclusion is this:
A Green Thumb Genome.....does not exist.
Yep.
I checked.
See, here's the thing. My paternal grandmother (that's my Daddy's Mama, in southern) had the greenest thumb in the tri-county region. She had a garden that fed all the neighbors. She grew hydrangeas that were the size of basketballs. She composted before it was vogue. She canned, preserved, froze, stewed. If it could be grown and harvested, she could do it. And it wasn't just food stuffs but all things beautifully floral. She and my grandfather were not well-off, but she bling-blinged their flower beds with gorgeous, luxurious blooms of every color and stripe. She loved, loved, loved to garden and was very, very very good at it.
You would think a little of that would have transferred on to the following generations.
You would be wrong.
See, I want flower pots that spill over with vivacious color in flora and fauna. I want some simple herb boxes that allow me to sprinkle my cooking with homegrown goodness. I aspire to be able to tell the neighbor how to treat that bit of shurb blight, the correct time of year to prune this or that, the most appropriate plants for our region. But friends, it just ain't happenin'.
And I have the pictures to prove it......
Petunias, a la Octamom....
Not too bad, you say?
Look a little closer....
Yes, those are toadstools, mushrooms, what have you, growing amidst my pitiful petunias...and not on purpose. Petunias and fungi, just the tropical look I was going for.
"Oh, Octamom," you say, "you're simply overwatering..."
Well, you're wrong....
These are my luscious tomatoes....
...and this would be one of my herb boxes...the better-looking one....
And yes, you did spot a garden label with 'Mint' on it in the above picture. You know, mint. Mint. That stuff that if it migrates to your flower beds, you can never kill it off? Yeah, mint. I killed it.
So I have to at least include the following shot to offset the Great Gardening Massacre of '08...
I have been able to keep this pot of stragglers somewhat alive for most of the summer. But just give me a little time......
Ah - poor babies! My have suffered similar fates. I know the pain . . .
ReplyDeleteWow...I don't feel so bad about all of my dead plants from '08:)
ReplyDeleteMy "green thumb" is olive at best. Can't grow anything, not even a cactus. I laughed about your "daddy's mama" since I know some of her stories and can hear your dialect as I was reading!
ReplyDeleteYah, I'm with you.....I don't even try:)
ReplyDeleteOMG...I just cracked up laughing. I am totally with you on this one. My mom, dad, grandparents, sister...all really great with flowers and gardening of any kind. I can look at a plant and it will die. I have resorted to growing my herbs indoors with one of those Aerogardens. I have managed to keep that working. Must be the artificial light.
ReplyDeleteI think there should be a support group out there for those of us who can't manage to find the green thumb genome.
oh, poor girl!! keep trying!!
ReplyDeletethat's what happened to my herbs, too--and i didn't have the courage to expand to flowers!
ReplyDeleteyour site finally updated in my blogger list, so something is working!
I'm convinced the green thumb genome is non-existent as well. Your grandma sounds pretty amazing with her abilities. I really wish I possessed some of that...could you imagine the satisfaction of knowing you could grow much of the food for you family and still have the time for gorgeous flower beds and a cellar full of canned food?
ReplyDeleteOH too funny! I love the mushrooms :-) I've been trying my hand at gardening lately with varied results. I think I've killed my orchids. My basil is growing great though, thank goodness because we love pesto!
ReplyDeletethe important thing is... you tried!
ReplyDeleteway to go on that! i love your mushrooms! how cool is that? seriously SUPER COOL!
it's true mint is hard to kill off, but maybe it was in the wrong light? or maybe it's dormant and will grow later? or maybe it was too hot a summer? i have no idea, growing anything in AZ doesn't really work well, but we have all year to try. it is way harder where you live? anyway you deserve gold star for effort!
I don't have a green thumb either. The stragglers look great!
ReplyDeletenice to know other flowers have seen the same fate as mine this year. :)
ReplyDeleteYour feed is working on mine now.
ReplyDeleteI am SO with you on this one - I can't garden to save my life! My husband, who appreciates my cooking and flower arranging, says that the plants are committing gleeful suicide because I'm so much better with dead vegetation than the live stuff! Not much comfort!
ReplyDeleteI can so relate! We installed a sprinkler system with this house so my yard finally survived all summer! But....my pots by the door...not so much. I replant them a few times each season. :)
ReplyDeleteOh honey, you crack me up! I had 2 hanging baskets that look like your herb boxes right now...and our tomatoes are jam packed with ripe fruit (finally) but also surrounded by weeds ;p My front flower bed looked good until the weather this week-we got the heat from these hurricaines but no rain - 90+ weather {{faint}} and we're on a well, so I don't want to water too much.
ReplyDeleteJust think, you're growing 8 bea-U-tiful children, even if your flowers aren't so hot this year!
*hugs*
I feel your pain. I have two giant planters flanking my front door and the only thing that's been able to grow in there would be weeds. And even those aren't doing too well.
ReplyDeleteHaaa haaa! Mine were not that bad until I did not water them for a couple of weeks!!! If I would just water I would do better!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!!!
hahah Im just as bad! I can grow blackberry bushed like no other haha
ReplyDeleteI've always wanted to garden, too, and promised myself that next year I would have containers of vegatables growing on my back deck (our soil is more like red clay in this part of the country). I'll be lucky to have anything half as lovely as your pot of stragglers! Thankfully, my husband keeps the flowers blooming for us. But I can still dream....
ReplyDeleteI feel ya, Sister.
ReplyDeleteOh, and no offense, but your 'shrooms look a little wilted. I wonder if they need a little more water?
;)
Lol! I have killed every single plant we ever owned. My mother actually asked me to stop watering and "taking care" of her plants when I was young.
ReplyDeleteI received Aloe Vera one year from my best friend, and managed to kill it. How can you kill Aloe Vera?. My mother-in-law gave us a beautiful plant, with little flowers that look like tiny goldfish. I had admired her plant for ages, and she cut up a piece, nutured it and made it grow beautifully, just in time for Christmas. It lasted about 2 weeks at our house, and I had to call my mother-in-law to ask her what I did wrong. She took back the dying plant and it started blooming in less than a week! I gave up on flowers and plants at that time.
I got a bamboo "plant" for my birthday last year, and it hasn't died *yet* {it hasn't grown either}. all in due time. ;)
I mean this completely with kindness, but holy cow... you killed mint? Oh my goodness! :-)
ReplyDeleteI haven't weded the tomatoes for a month. I found 3 ripe big ones and several grape sized ones last night. Maybe the weeds hid the ripening ones from the bugs, birds and small children.
ReplyDeleteMy curcurbits (pumpkins, cucumbers and watermelon) all have powdery mildew growing on them. After Hanna goes through, I need to spray them with a fungicide again...
I love your honesty here!
ReplyDelete