To let friendship die away by negligence and silence, is certainly not wise. It is voluntarily to throw away one of the greatest comforts of this weary pilgrimage...Samuel Johnson
Some people collect antiques, some designer purses. Others search for collectible dishes, some for vintage lunchboxes.
Me?
I collect people.
Now don't go screaming off into the woods. I mean, I collect friends, personalities, voices that speak into my life. Even though I've lived all over the country and half way in between, I still exchange Christmas cards and letters with playmates I went to 2nd grade with (forgive my dangling participles--I'm in need of coffee). I have lived 18 years away from the amazing woman I consider one of my best friends in the world, she now in the northwest and me in the south. I had to leave my precious Fairy DiDi (you know who you are) back in my adopted hometown four years ago now. People are important to me, friendships with history are important to me. No friend left behind.
But this business of moving certainly can complicate the friendship thing.
In hanging on by reticent fingernails to the friendships in previous locales, I've often run the risk of missing new ones. In comparing the familiarity and coziness of the gal pals of hometowns past, the FFOOO (Future Friends of Octamom Organization)can be compromised in its needed growth. And in monitoring friendships from afar, it can become tricky to be available when and where needed while still appropriately being a steward of this fleeting resource we call time.
And then there are the friendships that have flowered as much as they can and now are sliding into an unpruned, viney mess of defeating patterns and ignored advice. It's not anger or misunderstanding or ill will; it's just an alliance that has become one-sided, a buddy system that requires you to always be the anchor for the rope while watching the sad patterns of a chaotic comrade follow yet another swing of self-defeating escapades...and you're expected to be there to clean up the mess....again.
So what do you think? What makes a friend for life and what makes a friend for a season? How do you manage your long-distance friendships? How do you stay relevant in each other's lives? What are the blessings of your friendships across state lines versus the friendships close to home? And is there a time when a friendship needs to be pruned back, not out of a major conflict or misunderstanding, but simply out of a change of seasons or a change in dynamic?
Feel free to comment below or write your own post on this topic and copy and paste the URL in the Mr Linky box. I'm excited to hear the experiences and wisdom in this newest category of friendship: Bloggin' Buds!
Oooooh! Can I be first on the list to join FFOOO? Do you have a UK branch? Could I head up the Oxford chapter?
ReplyDeleteOn a more serious note, we have been offered my mother's house to move into as she has been offered an overseas position. As her house is further out it will put pressure on all of the family's friendships. I'm torn as to whether the friendships that remain will be stronger because of the extra effort we'll have to put in, or whether it's just negligent to put any sort of friendship in danger. Any thoughts?
Here Here to blogging buds - I hope to make that list :)
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about this just the other day, and will plan to write a link later this week...I will say it is much easier to keep up with long distance friendships these days, which is nice, and my best friendships pick up right where they left off, regardless of distance or time passed.
Blessings,
Steph
For me--I have moved around so much, and I have been so blessed to have girlfriends from each place I have lived. I am so thankful for the computer--that makes maintaining these friendships easier. I know that a friendship will be a lifetime when you can not see that person or even be in contact for a longer time and once you do--you pick right back up--it is still just as comfortable. For me, it is sometimes easier to maintain long distance ones than making new ones. To make new ones--it takes face to face contact--which requires daytime hours. The most important thing I have learned about frienship -- is to NOT have ANY expectations. People have busy lives and they can't meet my needs -- there will be seasons you talk a lot and seasons you may not. I try to never get upset about this (I use to get really hurt!) and treasure the seasons that we do get to "hang out" a lot. I also now see friendship as something I give -- not something I seek.
ReplyDeleteI too wanna be a UK member..do we get a button? LOL
ReplyDeleteI have moved a whole lot over the years and i am still in touch with a friend from when i was 6 years old..i have not seen her since i was 6 so that says a lot! Most of my school friends are all over the world and we email and send cards a lot. I am happy to include internet friends as my friends too in the list of friends i have. Friends have always been hugely important to me as my family lived far away for such a long time. I have friends that i know i can ring at 2 in the morning and whinge too and others i pop round without invite and will be invited to stay for a week! I also have friends i would do anything for and ask nothing in return. But there are friends i love lots and seem to give more than i get.. and no i would not change that. To quote an unknown source:
"Friends are family we choose for ourselves."
So whether they are seasonal or BFF's they touch me and leave their mark on me, i can only be greatful for that.
I keep in contact with friends via email......I have to come back and re read this when I don't have so much screaming going on so I can write down my thoughts properly! :)
ReplyDeleteyou have been awarded... go to perilloparodies.blogspot.com :-) Have a blesseed day... :-)
ReplyDeleteLovely post. I will link and write later when I have more time... just finished a 6 mile run, so off to the shower. Speaking of long distance friendships though, I am off to celebrate my "big birthday" with my girlfriends (an hubby) in NYC this weekend. I can't wait. Those friends are the ones I can no see in forever and it picks up right where we left off. BTW--forgot to thank you for encouraging me on my running--9 more weeks to the marathon!
ReplyDeleteI rarely see my real life friends. Most of them are sahm and I work full time now. However, if I call any one of them, they will drop everything to help out. A child sick at school and I am at work? They will go sign the kid out of school and bring them home where my sitter will watch them until my older kids get home. On the 3 days a week I am home, I would do the same for them.
ReplyDelete